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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Thirty Five Years . . .

October 14, 1980

The day was like most October days . . .
warm fall like breeze
leaves falling fast and furious
a hint of cooler weather approaching
thoughts of football, pumpkins, October fest, Halloween . . .

It was a Tuesday . . .
My teens, 13 and 16 were busy with school homework.
I had laundry, dishes from dinner, end of day tiding up things to do.
Ginger was resting by the doorway, her master,
dad, husband, Gary was out with the guys
for a run/exercise night . . .

A face in the window
friends, Dave and Lynn . . .
I felt suddenly chilled, frightened
"Something has happened, we have to hurry . . . It is Gary . . ."

Warm breezes had changed to rain . . .
we hurried for the car
Suzie in her PJ's, clothes on top of them
Scott, Suzie, the three of us in the back seat
confused, startled, stunned, frightened . . .

Hospital Emergency
waiting
frozen
shocked

Doctor holding my hands
"There wasn't anything we could do
I am so sorry, he is gone . . ."


I can't believe this
I can't believe this
I still can't believe this
~
how could it be
he was only forty one
not sick
how could it be

Life changed in an instant.
The reality and shock is never forgotten.
We remember today
Gary
dad
husband
We cherish the life we had together.

as a family we
skied, boated, camped
family pets many
a couple of our pets were
our Irish Setter
and a non friendly cat that only liked Suzie.

we lived in 
Milwaukee, West Allis, Baraboo, Montague

there were
many trips out west to ski
with the Mulock family
skiing Indianhead and Powderhorn
boating, sailing, fishing, camping
on the Wisconsin River, the Mississippi
White Lake, Lake Michigan
and Hill Lake in Minnesota

our beautiful restored Baraboo home
all the work Gary did
refinishing, painting, repairing
Scott helping him

our move to
Montague Michigan
new home
new wonderful friends

a very good life indeed
blessings many
~
I found grief the most solitary experience ever
non of us grieve the same
there is no right or wrong
 I felt like I was riding a roller coaster with my feelings
grief never ends . . . it changes
talking, writing, crying, walking,
remembering, laughing
praying,
friends, family
help sometimes
and sometimes nothing helps

his name was Gary, I like hearing his name

not much anyone else can do
to ease someone else's grief pain 
yet . . . listen and be there
~
Even after thirty five years
it is like it happened yesterday.

Life is fragile, it can change in a flash
please be kind to one another
Love,
Lynne
Scott and Suzie


Gary Kay Gordon
1939 -1980

23 comments:

Margaret Adamson said...

Yes Gruef is handled by everyone differently. Very sad to die so young.

Kerin said...

Oh, Lynne...
Such a heart~felt and touching post.
Gary sounds like such a great guy. A good man, gone too soon.

Sending {{hugs}}
~K.

Buttons Thoughts said...

Lynne his name was Gary and I can see and feel pain from the love that you lost. You and your family have been through so much I cannot even imagine this. Gary and you had what so many people search for and never find. You are a strong woman Lynne and Gary would be proud to know you have went on without him and are happy. Sending hugs lots of hugs. xo Love B

From the Kitchen said...

A lovely tribute!

Best,
Bonnie

Kim said...

I'm so sorry Lynne. I know the feeling, shock, surprise, loss. I wish you peace.

eileeninmd said...

Good morning, Lynne! What a lovely tribute and a touching post. Sending {{{{my hugs}}}!

Pepper Medley said...

I have experienced heavy grief, the loss of my father. I couldn't get off the couch for a month. The grief of losing a spouse.... I am not sure I would survive it. This is such a lovely post about Gary and all that he was to you and your children. Thank you for sharing your time of grief with us. It's good that people know that it's normal for their grief to go on for years, even if it does change it's form with the passing of time... xo

Pondside said...

Love remains. There couldn't be a better illustration. Your tribute to you beloved husband and father - gone so young - is beautiful.

amanda | wildly simple said...

Lynne.. I had no idea you had suffered this tremendous loss.
You are an inspiration with your bright look at life and I love you all the more now knowing more about you, and the life you shared Gary.
You guys feel so close when you mention Hill Lake, just a walk away. Hugs to you today and always!

Missy George said...

Beautiful and so very true..made me cry. What a nice tribute. It sounds as though you have beautiful memories and you packed a lot into such a short time. It was good that you had your girls and didn't have to go through it alone but having said that, I think we do go through it alone...Hugs

Missy George said...

Beautiful and so very true..made me cry. What a nice tribute. It sounds as though you have beautiful memories and you packed a lot into such a short time. It was good that you had your girls and didn't have to go through it alone but having said that, I think we do go through it alone...Hugs

Retired Knitter said...

A life beautifully remembered. He continues to 'live' on in your memory, a cherished place to be.

Gail said...

What a wonderful tribute.

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Hi Lynne, a heartfelt tribute and you're so right. I've always said "It takes as long as it takes"; no one can tell you how long to grieve or even how to grieve. Someone e-mailed me to say, "It's been 6 months, don't you think you should get over it?" Like "it" was something to get over. I'll never get over it and the shock is still a daily part of my life; it'll be 4 years 11/5. Granted, some of that is due to the physical labor to keep the farm going but a lot of it is the emotion and mental shock that came with Dave's death. Also, some of it is living alone, being so isolated and, essentially, having no one around.
It takes as long as it takes and I figure I'll grieve for Dave until the day I die. In heaven there's no marrying or burying, so the good Book says, so it won't matter then. Still, life is such a struggle now and there are days I still wonder, "Is it worth it?"

Chris K in Wisconsin said...

This was a very touching post. I am so sorry. I'm sure I cannot understand the sadness and grief you and your children have experienced.They say time heals all wounds. I don't know if they ever heal, but the do possibly become more manageable.
I live 2 blocks from the Wisconsin River, and one town away from Baraboo. In fact, we ran some errands in Baraboo just this morning. I didn't know you had lived in this "neck of the woods".
Peace to you.

MarmePurl said...

I have come to know this moment of yours well.
Glad to share in it as another year passes.
Prayers,
J

TexWisGirl said...

your pain is still felt by all who read this.

Linda said...

My dear Lynne...
I know how painful it must be for you...even to write this beautiful tribute...
I had no idea you had lost your husband in this tragic way...and so young
You are truly a lovely person...with a lovely soft temperment..
And I applaud you for your courage..
thinking of you...
Cheers!
Linda :o)

Liz said...

Sending you a big HUG on this memory day! Very sorry you lost your husband at such a young age!

A Joyful Cottage said...

Gentle hugs and love, Lynne. God be with you. xo

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

I remember when you told me your story..you and I lost our soul mates. Look at all the years and it is still such a strong mememory full of heartbreak. No time or years can erase it. It only gets a bit softer..and we put one foot in front of the other.

Pamela Gordon said...

Aw Lynne, this is a beautiful post, words and tribute to your Gary. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul. Sending you hugs and blessings.
Pam

carolann said...

Thank you for sharing. It is sad he had to go so early. Only God knows.
Lovely tribute to your loved one. Touching.

I am in an Senior apt with many Widows. We have five men left including my hubby out of 54 ladies.

So I am glad Hubby and I moved to this beautiful senior apt as when the time comes one should go of Sid and I. I have a family home of precious people who understand the loss of loved ones. And will be there for us. I see this more in the 6 weeks we have lived here. Caring loving people.